SmartAssy

A Libertine’s Case Against Porn

In Just for Fun on February 21, 2013 at 1:04 am

To me, watching porn is like listening to Pink Floyd: I want to like it, but it doesn’t really do anything for me. The whole free world is pretty much against me on this one. Sampling porn is practically a rite of passage for my male counterparts and a beloved hobby for many of the ladies. I suppose it’s some sort of inverse sacrilege to say so, but I’m unconvinced.

For a long time, I couldn’t put my finger on why I didn’t get hot for America’s second favorite pastime. Did my porn niche exist, and if so, what was it? I used to think this smut skepticism arose out of some vague feminist sentiments that told me the industry is too degrading to be a turn on. That was before I’d really explored the raunchy side of cyberspace, though.

By the time my toes were wet (but nothing else), I realized this notion was all wrong. I looked in horror at the complicated maneuvers and decided my aversion was more of a well-that-can’t-be-pleasant sort of deal. So-called “romantic porn” was no better. Watching two actors caressing each other in a faux-loving way was worse than the gang bangs. I don’t believe your orgasm, and I don’t believe you’re in love.

After many more X-rated journeys, I’m certain now it’s not the type of porn, it’s the whole concept itself. The way I see it, sex is too personal a thing for me to be a Peeping Leah. By that, I don’t mean banging it out has to be meaningful, loving or even sober, but when it comes to sex, I need to be more than just a voyeur. If I’m going solo, the only humming noise will be coming from a vibrator, not my sleeping MacBook. Anything that doesn’t involve me as a participant simply adds nothing to my sexual satisfaction.

So sue me. I’m a Simon & Garfunkel girl.

Begrudgingly yours,

Leah Morris

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